Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Payless Is Great

Can you actually hack up a lung?  I've heard that expression, but I never saw it happen, or met anyone to whom it has happened.  If it is possible to hack up a lung, BE WARNED: I THINK MINE IS COMING WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS. I would advise you not to stand in front of me, especially in your good clothes.

Even if you choose not to heed my warning, I promise, I'll find you a great pair of shoes that match lung.

So, I'm still sick. The doctor said I have asthma, bronchitis (Danny didn't think I would really tell the doctor that I've been using eleven year-old Biaxin to treat it), and pan sinusitis.  I figured I had all those diseases and disorders; I mean any hypochondriac worth her weight in salt has all that diagnosed before she walks into the doctor's office. 

But listen to this shiznit:  HE THINKS I MAY HAVE A HEART CONDITION!!!!   That kind of information can send a hypochondriac to an early grave.  Okay, I have to write the obligatory letters to my children, husband, parents and sisters.  I have to clean my house (not happening, but it feels like I have to at least write it), choose my funeral, get a mani/pedi, and have my hair styled and colored.  I also have to find bone marrow donors.    

The most important thing I need to do is write a post to my Internet family letting them know how much I love them.

Sheesh.  Is someone with a heart condition supposed to work that hard?

The doctor interrupted my mental-list-making by explaining that he thinks I might have mitral valve prolapse, which is relatively benign in females, and that it is regurgitating my blood in the heart.  (Yes, I do have  blood, and sometimes it's even warm.)

So I did the only reasonable thing:  I called my sister and cried because I know she has mitral valve prolapse, for which she is medicated. 

As usual she was quite supportive about the matter.

She said, "Dumb ass, you already know you have mitral valve prolapse."

"Huh, what do you mean?"

"Yes, you ass!  You got tested after I did and I remember your results so clearly because when I heard them, I thought, 'Can't I have a single effin' thing this bitch doesn't have also.' "

Well, I have some shopping for lung-colored shoes to do.  Do you prefer Payless or Nordstrom?  (Please say Payless, please say Payless, please say Payless......)

8 comments:

  1. Please say Payless, Please say payless, Please say payless...I have done exactely what you have asked for....Now take a deep breath....Don't worry about your heart it just fine..That heart problem is no big thing..But if you go to the dentist you must tell them about it..I forget why..Now go to payless, shop smart..They have nice things...What the hell do I know..I don't even know where one is at..Be blessed, please feel better and remember , everything little thing gonna be alright..Love you just becuz.

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  2. Payless as long as I can have the Airwalks! Like the first comment do not forget to tell your dentist because Novocaine contains a stimulant that can cause panic (adrenaline) you can ask for the non-adrenaline Novocaine & be just fine!

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  3. You need to let ur dentist know because u need to take an antibiotic before having any dental procedures done. If you don't u r at risk for bacterial endocarditis ( an infection in the valve, from the bacteria in your mouth getting into ur bloodstream)...now u have even issues, Miss Hypochondriac! lol

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  4. Don't worry about the heart thing. It's not really that big a deal. I have it. Go to Payless if you want but I don't like their plastic shoes. You can go to Sears and get leather. Or even to Kohls. Think about it.

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  5. It's not an uncommon disorder but panic symptoms are triggered by/co-occur with mitral valve prolapse. Which is helpful to know in terms of self-talk when anxious.

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  6. I'm behind on my reading because I got stir crazy and deleted my blog. But now I'm back and I'm rooting for Nordstrom.. I know you want Payless but darn it, you deserve the browsing experience, the smell of good leather, the oohhh--aahhh of amazing shoes...

    I love your sister, by the way.

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  7. "shoes that go with lung." oh, man. hang in there. apparently this news was not worth remembering the first time, so it is NOT worth panicking over this time. I think. I have no idea what it means, or all that dentist advice stuff sounds real wise, so you know, HEED that and all.

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